What can I even say about Blue Movie. Jenna Jameson's debut is smoldering in this lush visual feast. I got totally hooked with the narrative, all the rhythmic shags building to waves of bliss. And don't get me started on Steven St Croix's fruit headpiece. Simply magnificent. It's the detail that sealed the deal for me. All in all it's a blue ball of magnificent sex that leaves you breathless. A masterpiece.

Alright, lads, a porn flick built around a bloody blue ball? Sounds like the daftest premise since someone thought putting pineapple on pizza was clever. But trust me, under Michael Zen's lens—this man's a wizard with moody lighting and razor-sharp framing—it shouldn't work, but it totally does. The production design pops like a fever dream: all sleek shadows and satin sheets that make every thrust look like high art. Jenna Jameson's the scorching centrepiece, flanked by Jeanna Fine, Rebecca Lord, Tera Heart, and Lana Sands in a barrage of volcanic shags that snag Best Film and Best Couples Scene nods for good reason. By the end, I can assure you, there won't be any blue balls in the house. Pop it on, have fun, and light up a fag after. Pure 90s gold.